Rocks Fall Everyone Dies

Matt's Notes for 7/19/2017
No pressure

After a good nights rest and a breakfast of 0 crumblecakes, we are all feeling ready for adventure… also, we leveled up so that helps too. We debate on which lead to follow up on first and decide that we need to go punch an omen, so the black arrow skull rumor it is!

Our bear friend/mascot/wagon-puller awaits us on the northern trail, magical friendship spells or no he doesn't look a gift head cheese in the mouth. (no one should really, I mean… come on… it's head cheese, don't look to close). At this point we decide that we don't need a wagon, so our bear is fancy free and just following along behind us as we begin our explorations. After traveling a ways into the wilderness the area becomes quite quiet as sounds of insects and animals and all that normal stuff vanishes. Lord Ursus VonBearington becomes agitated, unhappy with the unnaturalness, but we proceed until we come upon… not a clearing, but a thinning of the woods… a lone tree, gnarled in appearance and seemingly mismatched for the local arboreal mix, stands before us.  Drawling closer we find that this is indeed the source of the omen rumors, a large black arrow pins a skull to the tree… 

Being sturdy adventurer types we are not daunted by this weirdness and approach the tree, as we do we can make out that there is soem sort of parchment tried to the arrow, obviously this is not a trap and should be investigated by someone reaching up and grabbing it. The Warlock for instance. As he touches it the forest grows dim, and he hesitates, then stumbles back. Nothing  untoward happens. (Note to the home viewers: Aetron experiences an odd vision at this time, the skull looming larger and larger, then passing through him laughing as it went). We read the human skin parchment note "The last laugh, you'll be next"… not creepy. Being righteous folk we decide to burn the note, arrow and skull and therefor banish whatever evils may have been tied to it.  The fire burns away, and the smoke forms a skull cloud as it goes… this is totally normal and not weird or foreboding. 
(GM quote "You don't know how happy it makes me that you were the one to touch it". TMI)

We leave the area, on the way to the tomb of treasures. Creepy forest noises trail behind us, though only the Warlock seems to hear them so… who knows if we can trust that.  I mean, I'm a druid, I should know if anything creepy is going on with this whole nature… thing.  Also he talks to himself.

We find the overgrown cemetery and start our investigation there of… Darkscale activates bear form and does some snuffling around. Definite scents of goblin and another unwashed humanoid. Also Aetron smells kinda funny… like dead things or something.

We head in to the tomb, finding the interior door slightly ajar we open it and trigger the noise-trap that was set up… Obviously this could only have been set to warn people INSIDE the tomb… there is no immediate response to the trap so we proceed inside.

Anyways, inside the tomb we find an old worn stone slab, the metal bits that were once attached to it rusted from age. A rusted and decrepit old door leads from the room but when we approach it we are confronted by the specter that guards the tomb. Turns out the little girl was right after all. It turns out Brianne (we're good friends now, so we call her by her first name, Brianne) was the guard of this old lord named Jonquil the Benevolent (self titled, not formally recognized) who went and got himself killed in a tavern brawl while Brianne was dead drunk. Now, she guiltily guards his resting remains.  I think you gotta let this stuff go eventually, but that's me… anyways, she is guarding this tomb and wants us to leave. But our smooth talking convinces her that we are here to help… which, really, we are after all since we want to keep this goblin and his pal from stealing anything from the tomb. Which, as it turns out, they have been trying for weeks now and keep coming back like a jerk at the bar.  She says no, chases them off, they come back.. repeat… Aetron smooth talks her into letting him see what is inside the sealed tomb in exchange for us making the goblin go away permanently. Seeing with his eyes, not his hands. 

Our great plan is to wait in the tomb for nightfall, then to spring our trap on the TOTALLY UNAWARE GOBLIN LOOTERS. I offer to go outside to wait and watch, since I can be all animally.  This plan agreed upon I leave…and am assaulted! Totally out of the blue. Green? Brown? Out of the woods. Turns out that trap was to alert the looters who WERE CAMPED NEARBY. This makes so much more sense than whatever I was thinking that trap was actually for. And the goblin shoots me with an arrow in my haunch. MAI HAUNCH! Anyways, this pisses me off so I leap on the goblin and tear out it's throat. I'm a mountain lion right now, so it's okay to do that sort of thing. This pisses off his buddy who is some sort of half orc/half ogre/all smelly thing with a honking large axe… luckily Durus comes running out in time to get in the way of that. Oh also… a bunch of skeleton-zombie things show up and are what the warlock said was following him, I guess, but we don't know whose side they are on and they come out so I take my dead goblin back into the tomb to hide out, and then the undead attack the smelly guy, and Aetron attacks the undead and they stare at him like "Come on, really dude?" so the smelly guy ignores them and keeps fighting with Durus, and Aetron says "My bad" and goes back to the smelly guy as well, and then everyone wants to kill him so he lays a huge axe smack down and kills like 3 undead guys at once but we kill him and then the other undead vanish into the woods… and I think we won but again, what's with the undead?

So, anyways, we did that and Brianne is cool and lets Aetron into the secret sealed tomb area, which we all crowd the door and look into as well but we're cool and casual about it so it's all good.  The tomb itself is a little underwhelming, a rusty iron box with some fancy rings and an old picture pendant thing, a stone tomb with a flying sword and moldering skeleton… nothing of super interest or import so we keep our deal and leave it all be and Brianne shuts the door on us and so we head outside and look for the goblin camp… which we find, but it’s not terribly rewarding either.

Now, the question is what do we do with the tomb? I mean if we just leave it here some other little girl might stumble in and get scarred by the ghost… maybe we can collapse the entrance somehow? OH! Maybe we should ask Brianne if there is any way we can put her to rest? That's an idea to come back too… I mean, we’re not really interested in the loot but, I mean, loot /is/ nice at times… and if she was put to rest there would be no reason to leave it there…

 Regardless, we decide to take a bit of a rest in the lovely overgrown cemetery before proceeding to stop number three…

Matt's Notes for 6/21/2017
Bear wagon polka

After their rousing success at wolf removal the party takes a well earned rest among the leaves and branches and wolf bits. There is a longer debate than necessary over how to proceed (off the road, on the road, to the caves?)… and then assuming the bandits will still be snug in their bandit beds they head off through the woods.

As dawn breaks over the forest, wisps of smoke and the smell of bacon help direct the party to the camp of their mighty foes. Observing from a distance the party sees that a small clearing fronts a cave, a pair of guards, a pair of tents, a camp fire with cooking bacon (the lure is nearly to much for the dwarf, but his iron will allows him to maintain the vigil)… and a bear in a cage. A poor, starving bear… 

A plan develops. Well, a sort of plan. An idea. Look, we're new at this okay, no one knew how hard it would be to be murder hobos! Anyways, the best plan. We split up along natural lines, Aramis and Darkscale to the right, Durus and Aetron to the left. CnD are to sneak up and free the bear while the PnW will be on call for distraction duty.

The paladin is like a ninja, leaping from tree to tree silently, while the rest of the party are mere mortals tromping amongst the forest floor. After divesting himself of his pots and pans (nat 1) Aramis is able to twinkle-toe through the underbrush (nat 20) with the dwarf tromping along, not gaining the notice of the guards but the bear. The poor, starved bear stares out with his Sarah McLachlan sad eyes… dooming the guards to a final fate, no quarter wil lbe offered for the perpetrators.  Kill some merchants, go to the meat hooks, torment a bear? Death.

At this point things speed up, as the dwarf friends the bear, the Aramis unlocks the door, Aetron initiates the planned distraction…

Bear roar! Bacon dropping grease fire making! A Tent killed by Aetron's energies! Lunging paladins, skewering guards! OMG that bear just ripped out a guys throat! Guys don't like it when they have holes blown through their chests! Discount store Danny Trejo appears, tosses a knife into the paladin's throat! Discount store Danny Trejo is engulfed in fire… And wait, what about that guy in the cave with the spears? Oh right… BEARCHARGESKULLCRUSHINGBITEFTW

Yogi is drafted into the team and fed much boar meat by the dwarf.

We proceed to loot the bodies and cave. There's a bit of noble adjacent finery… claimed by Aetron Valcius despite the blood and the rip in the chest. "I can get blood out the same way I get pee out!". Also, the boar's head (from that slaughtered boar, which is the source of the bacon and assorted other meats hanging in one of the tents) it taken as additional loot by Darkscale.

At this point we dump the cage from the wagon, pile in our ill re-gotten goods and have Yogi help us drag it all back to town. Darkscale rides in style, bear tractor style.  Fireworks and celebratory lights provided by the Aetron. The constable meets us at the edge of town, prepared to fend off this viscous bear calvary assault, but it's just us, the friendly murder hobos. Ultimately we are rewarded with lunch and money and a warning to not threaten to murder citizens while appearing to be demons… not that that happened. Also, Yogi is not allowed in to town as the constable is prejudiced against bears whose jowls are covered in the blood of it's enemies. Darkscale leads him a bit out of ton and lets him take a nap to rest up for his continued journeys with us.

Then off to Fat Tommy's (Formerly known as Lorren's Bakery), home of the cheesy-mushroom-bread that is everything crumblebread is not (i.e.  desirable to eat), for some of pre-mentioned bread as well as beer and rumors! It seems Fat Tommy (the baker formerly known as the rather boring Lorren) went out to investigate the rumored ghosts that scared the little girl. He says that he saw a goblin wizard spelling up the joint, obviously to keep the townsfolk away from all the loot that is contained in the tomb. This sound totally legit. We then go to the lunch provided by the lady butcher. The butcher that is lady, not the butcher that butchers ladies…. wait, is there a murderous butcher in town? We should look in to this. But after we finish lunch and investigating the ghost tomb.

Fat Tommy's is now our unofficial headquarters.

I'm Darkscale, and Fat Tommy's is my favorite bakery on the Citadel… 

Bandit camp loot

Coin purses containing 13gp, 74sp, 99cp

Trade goods were returned and most weapons were donated for a reward of 150gp

Weapons kept: light crossbow with 2 cases of 20 bolts each, quiver of 24 arrows, spear

Also kept: 10lbs of assorted salted and cured boar meat, boars head (given to butcher for rendering/lunch), 1 wagon with makeshift bear harness

Matt's Notes for 6/7/2017

We start at the Helm at Highsun tavern (and crumble cake wholesaler) , where we wait for Constable Harburk.  After a self serving hour of selling us his over prices food stuffs, we are informed by one of the servers that the constable is in another castle… I mean, the butcher's shop (and part time jail). 

Jalessa the butcher informs us that the constable is in the basement taking care of some troublemakers. This is totally not suspicious, and we defenseless and innocent murder hobos descend into the cellar to meet our fate, I mean the constable.  

After observing the object lesson that happens to troublemakers (the meat hooks are not just for cows) we are informed that the constable wants us to investigate and take care of the bandits that are fucking with caravans on the south road.  He gives us some possible camp locations. He also gives us some leads on other side quests we can use for loot and XP.

Mhandyvver's Chicken Emporium
-Think Howl's non-moving chicken shack
-The granddaughter is 10ish, she says the ghost was transparent and told her to go away, but didn't seem mean (Okay, maybe this was a real ghost, and not just a Scooby one). We get a map to the general location of where the ghost-tomb siting was

Vallivoe's Sundries
-Think, Sandford and Son's only with Newsie's era christian bale and friends darting amongst the goods.
- SOLD (not given) a map and details to a locaiton where locals saw "skull pinned to a
tree with a black arrow". Strange omens.

Dornen Finestone
-House painted with stonedust.
- A tall rude man who doesn't want to talk to us. Our friendly neighborhood warlock intimidates him and he tells us of the treasure cave in order to get us to leave.  

Missed connections: All the fine pastries at the bakery… alas, the previous interrogations didn't allow us time to investigate these before we set off into the wilderness in search of bandit camps… If only the damn tavern keeper hadn't kept us for an hour filling me up with crumble bread surely I would have been able to taste the fine delicacies that this town could offer.

We should probably revisit places in town to follow up on our leads about the treasure cave and the ghost and the skull omens to see if we can get further/different information. However, being ambitious murder hobos we decide to go off to kill some bandits. 

Instead of bandits we discover WOLVES! OMGWOLVESWTFBBQ?!?!?!!?!? Wolves were killed. Warlocks were scared. Trees were assaulted. Good times were had. 
We rest.

Welcome to your campaign!
Princes of the Apocalypse

The setting for the campaign is Forgotten Realms. The area is the Dessarin Valley, the inland area on the sword coast between Neverwinter and Waterdeep. Everyone will start out in the town of Red Larch.


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